Tuesday, October 18, 2011




To accept or to reject a marriage proposal is the right of each party; the man and the women. The prophet once said:
“Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not.” It was asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! How will she (the virgin) express her consent?” He said, “By keeping silent.” Some people said, “If a virgin is not asked for her consent and she is not married, and then a man, by playing a trick presents two false witnesses that he has married her with her consent and the judge confirms his marriage as a true one, and the husband knows that the witnesses were false ones, then there is no harm for him to consummate his marriage with her and the marriage is regarded as valid.” [1]

In another hadith:

Ibn ‘Abbas (S) reported:

“A virgin woman came to the Prophet and told him that her father gave her in marriage against her will. The Prophet then gave her the choice (of maintaining or terminating the marriage). ”[2]

In both of these hadiths, the prophet emphasized more on women as the one making the choice. The reason behind it is because Islam really honors women by giving her the right to choose a husband.[3] This actually connotes the same as men when they are approached by women.

In the times of sadness and grief during that phase of rejection, we may claim such words:

“Falling in love is difficult because love is not to be purchased, and affection has no price.”

“Love is a fabric which never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the water of adversity and grief. The feeling will never go away.”

“Don’t talk big; you don’t know how it feels like to be rejected.”

Not all negative is bad. A marriage proposal can be started by a man or a female. As long as it is Syari’ah compliant, it is considered permissible.

When our marriage proposal is rejected, let us ask ourselves:

“Can I endure that feeling?”

“Is rejection that bad?”

“After he/she rejects, will the world fell apart?”

Why your love rejected you?

The reason why your marriage proposal is rejected can be anything under the sun! It is unpredictable.

If that person is a God-fearing person, he/she may have a really good reason why such rejection is made. We can’t judge the person we love by being bias or prejudice.

Is it because she is ugly?

Is it because she is not a good Muslimah?

Is it because he doesn’t love her?

Is it because her family is not a good family?

Maybe the reason might be, not because he hates her, but when he did istikharah, he felt unease with the decision thus rejected her.

Some people rejected once proposal just simply because he/she doesn’t like the person. This can be seen through the sirah of Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy when the only reason she rejected Thabit was because she dislike him.

This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said:

“O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” – her mahr had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.”[4]

According to a report given by Bukhari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him.”

What to do if it happens to you?

You know, it might not be such a big problem if this happens to a man. A man, might able to endure this feeling of lost, maybe at the most one month (If he really trusts Allah).

But if this happens to a woman, this feeling might last for years and probably forever!

Is it because women are complicated creatures?
No, it is only because women are wonderful and sensitive creations.

For men out there, handle women with care.

“Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported: Woman has been created from a rib and will in no way be straightened for you; so if you wish to benefit by her, benefit by her while crookedness remains in her. And if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.”[5]

If this happens to you, think back why did such dreadful thing happen to you?

This is only a test for you right?

Whenever something happens, whether that thing is as terrible as it might be, as painful as it might feel, it is from Allah.

“ and ye have no good thing but is from Allah. and Moreover, when ye are touched by distress, unto Him ye cry with groans” (Surah An-Nahl: 53)

This is the time to cry before Allah. This is the time to really appreciate Allah. This is the time to gain strength from the loss of hope we are suffering. If we feel like crying, then cry, cry for the sake of Allah.

The moment when we feel so down on the ground, have we forgotten:

“so, Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief, Verily, with every difficulty there is relief”
(An-Nashrah: 5-6)

Allah stated it twice. Meaning that, with every difficulty will be followed by relief. Believe in that because Allah stated it!

Conclusion: This is for me and for you

If this happens to us, let’s be calm.

Let us handle it professionally.

Let’s really put our hopes to Allah.

The feeling of love embedded in our hearts is blessings from Allah. Allah is the one who emerged that feeling of love to another person.

But let us remember do be cautious in our actions. Ustaz Dahlan once said “Loving someone is not a problem. But do observe Syara’.”

If our acts are not Syariah compliant, that feeling is not from Allah but a mere mirage created by Satan.

“If I am meant for you, I am meant for you. If I am not meant for you, Allah will replace a person better than I am.”

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